Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
