Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
