Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize