Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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