insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
