Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
