So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
