Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
