Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
