I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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