i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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