i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
