i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
