Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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