Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
