I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
