Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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