dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
