i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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