you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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