If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
