Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
