Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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