i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
