He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
