At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
