VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
