We're like a lot better than the average bears
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
