I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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