The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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