he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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