his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
