so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
