Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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