Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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