It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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