dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
