he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize