Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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