first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
