i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
