he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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