reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
