I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
