Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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