I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
