If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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