oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize