Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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