***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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