I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
