Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
