**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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