Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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