I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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