I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
