he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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