i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
