I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
