girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
