Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
