Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
