I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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