I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
