i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
