White coat. Heels.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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