i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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