I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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