Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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