Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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