I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
